Honest reviews of things nobody asked for
I have a question for the engineers at Dyson, Excel Dryer, and every other company that manufactures public bathroom hand dryers: have you ever actually used a bathroom? Like, a real one? With a door and everything? Because I'm starting to think you haven't.
Read this nonsense →
I have a question for the engineers at Dyson: have you ever actually used a bathroom? Because I'm starting to think you haven't. These things don't dry hands — they scream at them.
Feel the rage →
I am a brave journalist willing to ask the hard questions, like "what the fuck is wrong with the people who decided a toaster needs WiFi?" So I bought one. The toaster won. It always wins.
Get burned →
"Unexpected item in bagging area." I AM THE ITEM. I AM IN THE BAGGING AREA. THIS IS MY LIFE NOW.
Scream with me →
We've all heard the myth: if you sneeze with your eyes open, your eyeballs will pop out. I spent three days, 47 sneezes, and one restraining order finding out the truth. You're welcome.
Risk your eyes →
Spoiler: it holds one banana. That's it. That's the whole product. But I spent $35 so I'm going to review it like it's a luxury vehicle.
Waste your time →
Step 1: 2 hours. Step 2: 47 extra screws. Step 3: Questioning every life choice that led to this moment. Step 4: It's slightly crooked and I will die before I fix it.
Read my trauma →
I know I'm out of milk, fridge. I'm the one who drank it. I was there. You don't need to notify me. You don't need to suggest a shopping list. You're a refrigerator. Chill the food and shut up.
Join my rage →
For science. For glory. For content. I consumed a gas station California roll at 2 AM and documented every moment of the experience. The good news: I survived. The bad news: I have seen things.
Read at your own risk →